So, as I shared earlier….God was telling me to: 1) focus on fixing myself and let him fix Barry and 2) use the tools already given me in His word. I had been willing to use these relationship tools in friendships and business relationships, just not in my own marriage. Crazy huh?
Yes! Crazy…. How many times do we find ourselves reserving the worst part of ourselves for those we love best? God challenged me to give the best part of myself, my very best effort to those I love (or should love)best. I know that that sounds soooo basic, but it was basically not happening in my marriage.
I began to “fix” myself by asking God to show me where and how He wanted me to change. I realized that the conflict happening in my marriage may be an indicator of the areas where God wanted to change me. I prayed Psalm 51:10-12 and 16&17……a lot.
Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is[b] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.
My sacrifice was a broken spirit and contrite heart. I was finally willing to look at my own sin and say “create in me a pure heart” and mean it. This one attitude change would prove to be the start of something incredible.