offended?

Posted on December 21, 2011 by

In any relationship, you’ll have the chance to believe the best and forgive the rest….to refuse take offense.    Employee/boss, parent/child, or husband/wife….it doesn’t matter, you’ll always have the choice to take the bait of offense or leave it there to spoil. The bible challenges us to “overlook” an offense, or to “cover over” an offense.  The world and our flesh wants to make the most of an offense.  When we feel offended the world says “get it out”  the Word says cover it.  Our flesh makes us want to magnify and justify feeling offended, the Word instructs us to minimize it.

Proverbs 17:9
Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.

Proverbs 19:11
A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.

It’s to your GLORY to overlook an offense.  Your glory?…  Yes,  you will be praised(gloried) by the Almighty for overlooking an offense,  and it shows your wisdom and patience to do so.

The world says, “you deserve to be mad”, the Word says “overlook it to show your wisdom and patience”.  Wow!  that’s tough sometimes, but every time I’ve decided to believe the Word and act on it, I’ve been blessed.   Especially as it relates to taking offense….I’ve decided to think the best and forgive the rest.

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Talk about frustrating…

Posted on November 18, 2011 by

It’s sooo frustrating to be stuck in the blame-you  and justify-me mode of life.  Blaming someone else for “making” you act a certain way or say something you shouldn’t to justify yourself.   I know that I’m in need of a check up from the neck up when I begin to feel frustrated by the way other people are not dealing with their sin issues ( “other people” is code for my husband hehe). Sometimes we even blame the situation, we’ve gotten ourselves into. A situation  like locking your keys in the car in front of Walmart with the motor running  …. wait… I’ve done that before. The day I locked my keys in the car with the engine running, I had my 4 year-old, 2 year -old, and my elderly Aunt Loretta with me….I was trying to let her out in front of the door so I parked in the fire lane(where else would you want your car locked with the keys in it?)  I let my Aunt out,  got the kids out and put them in her buggy and somewhere along the way I hit the electric lock, the door swung shut….frustrating. I began to blame the situation instead of taking the blame and telling my family I was sorry.

So instead of defusing the situation with an apology everything escalated. No matter what I did, I couldn’t get in there to turn the car off….it was veeeery frustrating.     And of course the car made me mad!  I was sooo mad that car had  locked itself when I pushed the button.   The car actually made me snap at my kids.  I know you can’t identify at all….but try to feel the frustration with me for a moment.

As women when things get out of control, we must fix them. And when we can’t we become frustrated and then the blame game begins. We are willing to blame everyone and everything else, so that we still look like we have it together.  Trying to fix other people instead of focusing on your own walk and becoming all God’s made you to be is a prescription for frustration and failure.  We are all inclined to do it however….the Lord addressed this tendency in the bible.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
Matthew 7:2-4

A plank in the eye is a very uncomfortable condition…..especially when you’re trying to remove it by looking elsewhere. Though we may feel vulnerable, it’s  time we looked on the inside and realize there are things that need to change for us to become all that God has called us to be.

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Every problem you want to solve…

Posted on November 14, 2011 by

“Every problem you want to solve, condition you want to improve and wrong you want to right begins with you.  If you want to change the world, first change yourself. “  John Maxwell

As I’ve shared on previous posts, John Maxwell is one of my favorite authors on the subject of leadership.  The same principles that make you a success in marriage, will work for your good in other areas of life as well.   When you’re stuck in the “how do I change my spouse, boss, co-worker?” mode, you’re in a constant state of frustration.  It’s like wearing cute  shoes that look good but don’t fit well( which I’m in the habit of doing)   You can live with it for a while, but you can’t go the distance in them.    Defeat is always at your doorstep, and hope is gone because you can feel you have no power.

The Lord gives you NO strength or power to do His job.  He will, however, give you all kinds of strength, power and blessing to do yours.    He will favor you and bless you for your obedience.  Find out if there is any unclean way in you, agree with God about it and confess it.  Then act on what God’s shown you….really want to change.

Look at the benefits of contrition….identifying your own sin and repenting of it.

For this is what the high and exalted One says— he who lives forever, whose name is holy: “I live in a high and holy place, but also with the one who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.  Isa 57:15

Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?” declares the LORD. “These are the ones I look on with favor: those who are humble and contrite in spirit, and who tremble at my word.  Isa 66:2

Wow….let that sink in God…You will live with me, revive my spirit and heart….You will favor me.      Lord I want to focus on other people and how they can and should improve, but you want me to focus my attention on  my own heart and life.   That’s hard,  because it makes my flesh feel good when I  think about  the deficiencies in other people…especially my husband.  I like to feel “right”.     I want a contrite heart that you might favor me oh God.  I will look at myself and take the huge log out of my own eye, because you desire it and that’s all I need to know.   I won’t wait until I “feel ” like doing it, I chose to obey right now.

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Feel the power

Posted on November 2, 2011 by

I Laugh at all His Jokes Part  3

You know there’s real power in  contrition.  Because my thoughts, feelings and actions are really the only things within my control, a sense of power and then incredible hope come when I decide to be sorry and be better.  I so wish I would’ve realized this sooner.  The incredible power and hope that come from  going to God and saying “show me if there is any unclean way in me” and then saying I’m sorry God .  I’ll do that differently from now on.  I had fallen into the trap of focusing on what was completely out of my control ( everyone else’s thoughts,feelings and actions), that’s a prescription for frustration and hopelessness.

Henry Blackably says in “Experiencing God” , “you can’t stay and go with God” .  I ‘ve found that to be so true.  You have to grow somewhere you’ve never been before, to go somewhere you’ve never been before.  You really  can’t stay and go with God.  You can’t stay the same and go to awesome abundant  places God  has for you.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about works-based salvation or getting God to  somehow love you more.  No, I’m talking about your awesome, abundant life here on Earth.  There is an  old  and true saying  “Sin  always takes you further than you meant to go, keeps you longer than you meant to stay and costs you more than you ever intended to pay”.   My prayer is that you don’t pay with your marriage and family,  sister.    Own your own sin, confess it , repent and actually change and feel the power of a contrite heart.      Take your eyes off of everyone else and put them on your own heart….and feel the power…. and crazy great hope that comes.

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I laugh at all his jokes…the power of contrition

Posted on October 23, 2011 by

The printing of the NIV study bible that I have introduces Psalm 51 by saying.. “For the Director of Music.  A psalm of David.  When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba. ” Psalm 51 is a Psalm of contrition.  David,  upon being shown his sin by the prophet Nathan, writes Psalm 51.  Read the whole Psalm and listen for David’s heart condition.  Listen for the way David feels about his own actions and choices.  Note that he never blames anyone else, or tries to justify his actions.

Psalm 51

For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba. 1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. 3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. 4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge. 5 Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. 6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb; you taught me wisdom in that secret place. 7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. 8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. 9 Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. 10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. 13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you. 14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God, you who are God my Savior, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. 15 Open my lips, Lord, and my mouth will declare your praise. 16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. 17 My sacrifice, O God, is[b] a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise. 18 May it please you to prosper Zion, to build up the walls of Jerusalem. 19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous, in burnt offerings offered whole; then bulls will be offered on your altar.

Any real life change must start with  a realistic look at yourself and what God may want to change about you or your thinking.   Many times I compare myself to other people.  Typically,  I try and  choose people who make me look good. :)   “Well, I’m not soooo bad compared to her.”  But God wants us to measure ourselves by His standard,  to “find out what pleases the Lord” so to speak.   When I do this, I begin to feel more like David felt when he wrote this Psalm.  In my humble opinion, there’s no greater stinker than a christian without a contrite heart.  We can be so self-righteous and become focused on all the wrong things,  when we aren’t in the regular habit of humbling ourselves before God and confessing our sin .   In my experience,  one of the greatest stumbling blocks that the lost have,  are the Christians who “feel good about themselves”. Neither my husband or myself have ever been unfaithful in a physical sense, but I had been unfaithfully desiring a different kind of husband.  I was desiring a husband who provided better financially, so I could stay home with my kids….  a more thoughtful husband who didn’t leave his socks on the floor or his dirty dishes in the sink.   Perhaps even a husband who had a less demanding job.  Someone who was more thoughtful, who never lost his temper or who would ask for directions sooner….. :)    David’s sin was physical, mine emotional….still sin. My life began to change when I began to take responsibility for  the only variable within my control…. me.  I asked God to show me my sin and He was faithful to oblige.

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I laugh at all his jokes….

Posted on September 26, 2011 by

So, as I shared earlier….God was telling me to:  1) focus on fixing myself and let him fix Barry  and 2) use the tools already given me in His word. I had been willing to use  these relationship tools in friendships and business relationships, just not in my own marriage.  Crazy huh?

Yes!  Crazy….  How many times do we find ourselves reserving the worst part of ourselves for those we love best?   God challenged me to give the best part of myself, my very best effort to those I love (or should love)best.  I know that that sounds soooo basic, but it was basically not happening in my marriage.

I began to “fix” myself by asking God to show me where and how He wanted me to change.  I realized that the  conflict happening in my marriage may be an indicator of the areas where  God wanted to change me.  I prayed Psalm 51:10-12 and 16&17……a lot.

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is[b] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.

My sacrifice was a broken spirit and contrite heart.  I was finally willing to look at my own sin and say “create in me a pure heart” and mean it.  This one attitude change would prove to be the start of something incredible.

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I laugh at all his jokes

Posted on September 3, 2011 by

As I shared in my earlier post, about 18 years ago… my marriage was limping along to say the least. I was out of patience and short on ideas for fixing it.  I can’t even express how frustrated I was with…..Barry. Just to be clear… I was not at all frustrated with myself, because it was ….ALL HIS FAULT!   I had  taken the “D” word out of my vocabulary but I was seriously considering buying a Thesaurus. On one particularly bad opposite-of-a-honeymoon day,  I was beyond crying out to God and at  this point and was just yelling at Him  “GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!”.   I was searching the Word for some biblical grounds to go, but there was simply no relief there.  As much as I hated to admit it,  God was definitely saying “STAY”.    I was sooo exhausted…wrestling with God takes a lot out of you. Finally,  with my hands up, partially in worship,  partially because I was actually giving up,  I finally honestly asked God for help and meant it.    Previously I was asking God to fix Barry or let me out of the marriage.  Now I was surrendering to whatever God wanted to show me….even about me.  I finally said “Lord, my life is either yours or it isn’t, so do with it what you will….I’m  even willing to bare the cross of staying married.  If I’m meant to minster to Barry for the rest of my life then I’ll work at it as unto the Lord.  Change me, grow me, make me into the person you’d have me be.  If it’s only 10% my fault then show me my fault”  So often when I’m going through a challenge,  I ask, even beg God for help.  What I’m  really asking for however  is  God’s help in a situation to make it turn out the way I want it to.  I don’t/didn’t  really purpose to find out what pleases the Lord and then line my heart and will up to God’s heart and will for that situation.   I was out of God’s will in many of my attitudes and actions toward my husband.  God was telling me to:  1) focus on fixing myself and let him fix Barry  and 2) use the tools already given me in His word. I had been willing to use  these relationship tools in friendships and business relationships, just not in my own marriage.  Crazy huh?

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